School and other thoughts...

Today was Kayden's first day of preschool. During the whole preschool search process, I kept telling myself that it is not really that big of a deal. She is only 3, going to school a few days a week for a handful of hours.

To prep for the first day, I made special waffles, put on her new outfit and tried to have her pose during multiple attempts of taking the best "First Day of School, EVER!" picture. It slightly worked. Drop off was easy, she quickly started playing with clay and never even looked back when I said goodbye. I am cool with this, I told myself. My child is quite pleased to not be around her mommy, in fact telling me rather strongly, " I go to school ALL BY MYSELF!"

Pick up was even easier. When I walked back into the classroom, once again, no hello mommy. Instead, I was greeted by endless giggles of my darling daughter dancing in circles with two new friends, holding hands, and of course running a little too much in the class room. All a very welcome site.

We drove to Panera to have a chocolate bagel to celebrate school's start and headed on home like today was no big deal. Wake up, check. Start school, check. Nap time, check.

This is where I began my break down. Kayden peed her bed during nap time and woke up hysterical. Sobbing. I took her in my arms and she felt so tiny and fragile. I assured her that a little pee pee is not a problem and brought her into my room for a cuddle (and clean sheets). We snuggled under the covers and I started to get teary eyed. Then I realized I was sniveling. What was this? Crying? No no, not me. Today is not that big of a deal.

But it is. Today is the day I no longer have my daughter under my constant supervision and sheltering, for better or for worse. Today is the day she begins years, decades of schooling. Today is the day she begins to put the things she has learned into practice, on a oh so small scale. I realized that daily routines and schedules have muddled the enjoyment of my children. They are little treasures and I fail to recognize that on so so many occasions.

As I lay in bed holding my little girl, all I could think of were the lyrics to the David Crowder song, "How He Loves. " In the big ol' world of preschool and beyond, the most important thing Kayden needs to take with her is not her duckie back pack, polka dot dress or red hair bow, but to know that she is cherished. Loved. Adored. Treasured. More than I can understand or fathom.

At the end of today, I will read Kayden a story, sing a song, or two or three, say a prayer and kiss her goodnight. She will not remember her first day of school or have any idea that I was way more emotional than I ever thought possible. Let her hold on to the promise that she is loved.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCunuL58odQ&ob=av2e